One day soon I will have to return to full-time work. Ota has already done that, but I still need to be the one doing things around the house and taking care of our son until Ota gets a little more mobility.
At the end of April, Ota will be leaving for a week and then I'll probably recover some sanity at that point. He's really been urging me to go back to school and finish my degree, but I don't see how we could afford that. I already wasted three years trying to get that done and fell into a long period of self-loathing for not finishing the job. I just don't think I have what it takes. Plus, he seems to think that all I need to do is quit my job so I can do this. Well, if I did that, then there's no guaruntee we can afford the tuition without my paycheck. On top of that, Ben needs day care if I'm going to work or school. If I attend an online school, then I don't get that option.
My son, regardless of this, thinks I'm wonderful. He giggles and screams when he sees me come home after work. I feel guilty for not being able to be at home 24/7, but at least I'm not working more just now. He only goes to day care 15 hours a week. That's enough for now. Later, he'll have to go for the whole forty. Why do I have to work so that some one else can raise him? I'm so against that, but we can't afford for me not to return to work.
So, that all being said... what do I do? It's either full-time work and daycare for Ben, or full-time student and full-time stay at home mom. Option one is less likely to make me unhappy, but option two may make it possible for me to return to work at a higher pay later and I will get to raise my son myself.
I'm so confused and not sure what to do. Any advice?
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